Here are a couple of jokes.....Enjoy!!!
Overbooked Flight:
In an airport boarding area they announced that the flight was overbooked.
The airline was looking for volunteers to give up their seats. In exchange, they'd give you a $100 voucher for your next flight and a first class seat in the plane leaving an hour later.
About eight people ran up to the counter to take advantage of the offer.
About 15 seconds later all eight of those people sat down grumpily as the lady behind the ticket counter announced:
"If there is anyone else OTHER than the flight crew who'd like to volunteer, please step forward."
............................................................................................................................
The next set of jokes were forwarded by Email from a friend of mine:
1. To commemorate the release of the topless photos of Kate Middleton, Royal Doulton will be releasing a Collector's Edition of two small jugs.
2. Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.
3. A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt ................. Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche...
4. Just A Reminder to those who stole Electrical Goods in Last Years Riots....Your One Year Manufacturers Warranty Runs Out Soon.
5. "ITS A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, ITS A BOY" and with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai brothel!
6. Two Indian junkies occidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine, both in hospital...one's in a korma.. the other's got a dodgy tikka!
7. The 100m final at the 2012 Olympics was just like another Friday night in Brixton. You heard a gunshot followed by 8 guys legging it!
8. In the first few days of the Olympics the Romanians took gold, silver, bronze, copper, lead and anything else they could get their bloody hands on.
9. Sailing results are in, GB took gold, USA took silver and Somalia took a middle aged couple from Weymouth .
.............................................................................................................................................................
Senor Roy Gets A Call:
Overbooked Flight:
In an airport boarding area they announced that the flight was overbooked.
The airline was looking for volunteers to give up their seats. In exchange, they'd give you a $100 voucher for your next flight and a first class seat in the plane leaving an hour later.
About eight people ran up to the counter to take advantage of the offer.
About 15 seconds later all eight of those people sat down grumpily as the lady behind the ticket counter announced:
"If there is anyone else OTHER than the flight crew who'd like to volunteer, please step forward."
............................................................................................................................
The next set of jokes were forwarded by Email from a friend of mine:
1. To commemorate the release of the topless photos of Kate Middleton, Royal Doulton will be releasing a Collector's Edition of two small jugs.
2. Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.
3. A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt ................. Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche...
4. Just A Reminder to those who stole Electrical Goods in Last Years Riots....Your One Year Manufacturers Warranty Runs Out Soon.
5. "ITS A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, ITS A BOY" and with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai brothel!
6. Two Indian junkies occidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine, both in hospital...one's in a korma.. the other's got a dodgy tikka!
7. The 100m final at the 2012 Olympics was just like another Friday night in Brixton. You heard a gunshot followed by 8 guys legging it!
8. In the first few days of the Olympics the Romanians took gold, silver, bronze, copper, lead and anything else they could get their bloody hands on.
9. Sailing results are in, GB took gold, USA took silver and Somalia took a middle aged couple from Weymouth .
.............................................................................................................................................................
Senor Roy Gets A Call:
At dawn the telephone rings,"Hello, Senor Roy ? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house.""Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?""Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Roy, that your parrot, he is dead"."My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?""Si, Senor, that's the one.""Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?""From eating the rotten meat, Seor Roy.""Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?""Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse.""Dead horse? What dead horse?""The thoroughbred, Seor Roy.""My prize thoroughbred is dead?""Yes, Senor Roy, he died from all that work pulling the water cart.""Are you insane? What water cart?""The one we used to put out the fire, Senor.""Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?""The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire.""What the hell? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?!""Yes, Senor Roy .""But there's electricity at the house! What was the candle for?""For the funeral, Senor Roy.""WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!""Your wife's, Senor Roy. She showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Ping G20 204g titanium head golf club with the TFC 149D graphite shaft."SILENCE...........LONG SILENCE.........VERY LONG SILENCE…………"Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you're in deeps##t."
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