Retro's Sarcasm Class :

Welcome to Retro's Sarcasm Class 101, here you will be taught on how to be really sarcastic. In about a couple of days you will experience "Sarcasm Mode" also known as "Blair Mode". Here are Lessons 1 through 10:

• You are not as bad as people say, you are much, much worse.
• Now we know why some animals eat their own children.
• Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested.
• Talk is cheap, but that's ok, so are you.
• If we killed everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder…it would be an apocalypse!
• This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person.
• I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
• When I look into your eyes, I see straight through to the back of your head.
• A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind.
• Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you any worse advice.
• Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today.
• Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to lie to myself and try to like you?
• Don't let your mind wander, it's far too small to be let out on its own.
• Don't thank me for insulting you, it was a pleasure.
• Don't you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without you putting in so much effort to give us another?
• He always finds himself lost in thought; it's unfamiliar territory.
• I bet you get bullied a lot.
• I can tell that you are lying, your lips are moving.
• I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works.
• I don't mind you talking so much, as long as you don't mind me not listening.
• I don't think you are a fool, but what's my opinion compared to that of thousands of others.
• I know you are nobody's fool, but maybe someone will adopt you one day.
• I like you. People say I've got no taste, but I like you.
• I used to think that you were a colossal pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.
• I will defend, to your death, my right to my opinion.
• I would have liked to insult you, but the sad truth is that you wouldn't understand me.
• I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up your ass.
• If you were twice as smart as you are now, you'd be absolutely stupid.
• I'm glad to see you're not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.
• I'm impressed, I've never met such a small mind inside such a big head before.
• I've come across rotting bodies that are less offensive than you are.
• Pardon me, but you're obviously mistaking me for someone who gives a damn.
• People would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
• She's the first in her family born without tail.
• That man is cruelly depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
• There are several people in this world that I find unbearably obnoxious, and you are all of them.
• What he is lacking in intelligence, he more than makes up for in stupidity.
• Whatever it is that is eating you, it must be suffering horribly.
• What's wrong, don't you get any attention back home?
• You are not even beneath my contempt.
• You are not obnoxious like so many other people, you are obnoxious in a completely different and far worse way.
• You grow on people, but so does cancer.
• You have an inferiority complex and it is fully justified.
• You should do some soul-searching. You might just find one.
• You would never be able to live down to your reputation, but I see you're doing your best.
• Your mind isn't so much twisted as badly sprained.
• You're a habit I'd like to kick - with both feet.
• Learn from your parents' mistakes, use birth control!
• Honesty is the best policy but insanity is the best defense.
• Life is like a roller coaster, and I'm about to throw up.
• Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
• Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.
• The number one problem in our country is apathy, but who cares!
• There's too much blood in my caffeine system
• Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
• Bulls**t: the art of making the idiotic sound sensible.
• Restraining orders are just another way of saying I love you.

Congratulations, you have successfully graduated from Sarcasm University. Feel free to do your masters at the University of DUH!